From the movie Removed
Sometimes someone
will hurt you so bad, it stops hurting at all.
Until
something makes you feel again
And then
it all comes back
Every word…
Every hurt…
Every
moment…
How could
you ever understand where I come from?
Even if
you ask, even if you listen
You do not
really hear, see or feel.
You don’t
remember my story…
You
haven’t walked my path
You
haven’t seen what I’ve seen.
This is
who I am
I am
unseen, unheard, unwanted
That is
what I am
And even I
am anything.
The world turned
upside down
Order
disappeared
Nothing
was how it was supposed to be
And a
heavy sadness filled my soul.
And
nothing could draw me out
Trapped in
the misery of my life
Lost in
the sorrow of my soul
Unable to
see the light
Unable to
see the dawn
To feel
To hope
To dream
The
blackest nights for my soul never stopped
It seemed
like it was always nighttime and nightmares
And never
morning
And maybe
you wonder why
But mostly
you try not to think about it
And try to
get by
And try to
survive
And all
the other stuff seems so much like nothing
Compared
to just wanting the most important things back again
Like
wishing you could see your mom smile again
And hear
her sing that one favorite song that always calmed you down
When
things were all messed up
Or if you
couldn’t have her back
At least
get to take care of your baby brother
Because
you know he needs you
And he’s
going to be so scared all alone
And who’s
going to hold his hand and whisper it will be all right again
And who
will whisper that to me.
Dependent
desperate
But what
happens when those you need the most threaten your very existence
I’ve heard
plenty of promises
And they
all sound the same
But push
hard enough
And they
all prove to be empty.
But do you
know where?
Each place
is somewhere different
It is hard
to find east when you keep moving around
But At least it comes it always comes.
I’ve come
to depend on that.
And it
seemed that this time
That maybe
this time the world would not be pulled out from under me again
Feet safe,
roots starting to grow
Little
buds of hope forming
Slowly attempting
to trust this new life.
That one day maybe I would feel normal
That I
won’t always be alone
That I’ll
have a mommy who will hug me
And be
strong for me
Because
maybe I can’t do it all by myself.
It’s not
because of me
It doesn’t
have to be what defines my future
I am
loveable
I am
worthy of care
And that a glimmer of light makes all the difference
The
glimmers of light give me hope
That
someday my summer will come.
My past defines me
It seems
like the same thing that held me up, forces me down
Deeper and
deeper I fell within myself
I found
the darkest days of my life kept coming
I know I’m
helpless
The sun
comes up every morning
And
slowly, slowly seasons changed around me
I wish
someone would tell me it’s going to be okay
This my
past, my history, my story is not my fault
Maybe you
saw yourself in those words, and your story is not about being a foster kid.
Maybe you saw your story in those words. That is why I wrote them out. This
pain of our past is often a large part of our stories. This pain is real. It
haunts.
But this
pain doesn’t define you now. This pain comes with the promise of being redeemed
by God to create a beautiful ending for your story. He promises I will not
leave you as an orphan. I will come to you. John 16:22. This is the story of
how God works every time. It started in the Garden of Eden and was perfected
through Jesus. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who
initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured
the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor
beside God’s throne. Hebrews 12:2. This same is possible for our lives. Hope
in the Lord; for, with the Lord, there is unfailing love. His redemption
overflows. Psalm 130:7b. Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I
have called you by name; you are mine. Isaiah 43:1. This is the very core
of God. And he knows your name.