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Deep Inside it Hurts


From the movie Removed

Sometimes someone will hurt you so bad, it stops hurting at all.

Until something makes you feel again

And then it all comes back

Every word…

Every hurt…

Every moment…

How could you ever understand where I come from?

Even if you ask, even if you listen

You do not really hear, see or feel.

You don’t remember my story…

You haven’t walked my path

You haven’t seen what I’ve seen.

This is who I am

I am unseen, unheard, unwanted

That is what I am

And even I am anything.

The world turned upside down

Order disappeared

Nothing was how it was supposed to be

And a heavy sadness filled my soul.

And nothing could draw me out

Trapped in the misery of my life

Lost in the sorrow of my soul

Unable to see the light

Unable to see the dawn

To feel

To hope

To dream

The blackest nights for my soul never stopped

It seemed like it was always nighttime and nightmares

And never morning

And maybe you wonder why

But mostly you try not to think about it

And try to get by

And try to survive

And all the other stuff seems so much like nothing

Compared to just wanting the most important things back again

Like wishing you could see your mom smile again

And hear her sing that one favorite song that always calmed you down

When things were all messed up

Or if you couldn’t have her back

At least get to take care of your baby brother

Because you know he needs you

And he’s going to be so scared all alone

And who’s going to hold his hand and whisper it will be all right again

And who will whisper that to me.

Dependent desperate

But what happens when those you need the most threaten your very existence

I’ve heard plenty of promises

And they all sound the same

But push hard enough

And they all prove to be empty.

But do you know where?

Each place is somewhere different

It is hard to find east when you keep moving around

But at least it comes it always comes.

I’ve come to depend on that.

And it seemed that this time

That maybe this time the world would not be pulled out from under me again

Feet safe, roots starting to grow

Little buds of hope forming

I slowly attempting to trust this new life.

That one day maybe I would feel normal

 

 


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